Over a weekend I decided it was time to really get to work. For me, quarantine has been a time that I could really advance in my studies when I wanted to, and how I wanted to. I am lucky to be in a position where I live securely enough that I could focus this time into something productive. But it became harder to do that after the first month. 

At first, I pushed to practice my music and work out everyday. Those were the two goals I wanted to achieve for my ultimate “glow up”. For the first month I would wake up around 9am and do some practicing and mosey around until I had work. I would choose an hour to work out before or after my shift and I could honestly say I felt motivated. I worked out everyday and focused for that first month, knowing this extra time was all I wanted when I was working 7am to 9pm some days. I recognized that when I had a full schedule, I just wanted the time to do my side projects and workout and focus on myself. That first month of quarantine was when my motivation and need for progress kicked in, seeing that newfound free time. 

A person’s mentality is a powerful thing. It can push us to our limits and make us feel so strong and worth the long days. But sometimes it just as easily does the opposite. I found myself falling back into a slump after that first month. Less motivation to get up early, less emotionally connected to my goals, less energy to complete my workouts and practice efficiently. 

I had to look at myself many times and just reassure myself that it’s okay to not use this time to become someone you strive for. You’re allowed to take smaller steps. You are allowed breaks. You are allowed sleep and food and mind numbing TV. You don’t have to change EVERYTHING in the span of this quarantine.

Somedays I knew I was making excuses to not get out of bed. ‘I’m tired.’ ‘I didn’t sleep well.’ ‘I don’t feel good today.’ I mentally scolded myself with each new excuse just to find I still hadn’t moved from my blankets. “I know I should leave my phone to the side and let it’s screen stay dark a little longer“, I’d think, as I got up and walked to the bathroom at 11 am, phone in hand. It’s funny how motivation can hit you like a train and leave you just as fast as it sped in. The last two months have been a lot of trying to do more and then falling back on excuses to stop, and go back to watch tik tok videos or scroll through instagram. 

Now I don’t want this to sound too negative, but I wanted to give some context for how I decided to try again. Because that’s all we can do sometimes. I tried a few different tactics to get myself moving again, though not many worked to get me motivated for longer than a day. 

This weekend I went away with my family to a secluded airbnb in the middle of nowhere (trying to stay as safe as we can here during a  pandemic). I spent time with my family and had an uneventful weekend. Nothing spurred me to read my book, or practice the music I had brought along with me. Nothing crazy happened, no lightning strike to the head. Just a peaceful weekend in the mountains away from everything and everyone. 

Now you might ask, how did this make you decide to change up your routine and motivate yourself? There wasn’t really anything life changing that happened out there, was there? 

I can’t express enough how much being a part of nature and just walking and driving around in the mountains has such an effect on people’s motivations. Mine especially. Nature is one of many muses in this world. We sometimes take it for granted and forget how much it does for us. My time spent away from my home and the stresses of life lead me into an easy awakening of how I needed more than just sleep. My mind has been turning over and over these last few weeks with everything going on and I recognize I am privileged enough to get away from some of it. I also noticed that when my body is able to step away from my house and work, my mind can relax and start thinking and creating again. It’s as if I am able to step out of the binds that have been holding me back from doing my best at things I am passionate about. I also recognize that most of those binds are created by me. I am holding myself back from being me.

Iza and I started this blog because we had so much to say and so much we wanted to talk about. There is so much more to life than just the highs and the lows. We spend most of our time in those middle grounds so why not talk about it. I have felt the urge to create and do new projects and sing and write and just live my life through this quarantine. But that isn’t always how I feel and that’s okay too. We have tried planning things out and working together to make this a smooth transition into a blog, but that step by step list has made it harder to just do it. We want to write about all these topics and ideas and I don’t want to lose our real reason for being here.

I think it’s important to see what can come before a burst of energy to start over or begin again. It could have been a low point, a high point, or just a point somewhere in the middle that feels “fine”. There is always a different reality behind “ MY NEW FIVE AM MORNING ROUTINE” and “I STARTED A NEW JOB” and “HERE IS MY ROAD MAP FOR LIVING A CAREFREE LIFE”. I am happy to notice more realism in vloggers, bloggers, and other influencers and I encourage people to talk about the realities of putting yourself out there and having all these goals without the time to do them as efficiently as you may want, or being hard on yourself knowing that it is probably you who are setting that bar so high because you want to push yourself to that level of creativity or high standing goal. Good things will not always come at once and they will not always come easy. Hard work can get you far, but burn-out is so real. 

Now here is where I urge you to be honest with yourself, your body, and your mental health. 

• Are you resting because you need it or because you don’t know how/ where to start?
• Are you pushing yourself to your limits because that is what this goal calls for and is it achievable or are you pushing yourself because you refuse to go below a “perfect” level created in your mind? 
• Now, is that “perfect” level reachable or are those qualifications for your levels of perfection written by someone who isn’t like you, doesn’t know you, has no idea what you are capable of? 

However you answered, it’s okay. Your reasons are valid and you are strong enough to try again or keep progressing. You answered correctly, however you answered. 

Here’s how I thought about these questions:

• I rest sometimes because I have no idea what I should be doing and writing out a plan sounds exhausting, and at times unhelpful, when I don’t know the best way to reach my goals. 
• I have pushed myself to my limits at one point in my life and loved every second of it because it was a calling I heard in my core. That being said, there have been points where I disguised my levels of “perfection” as “completion”. I knew very well I was going above and beyond, but I didn’t know when I could and should have stopped. I made up goals in my head that I knew I couldn’t reach because my standards of completion and “perfection” were beyond my level of ability at the time. I allowed my inability to recognize when to stop and say “it’s okay to stop here” put me down because I so wanted to reach an unattainable goal. It led me to stop working all-together; burn-out is real and that’s okay. 
• My goals were created from reading and watching the “greats” in the opera industry. I thought “That is my goal, this is THE level of perfection and I must attain it or I will not be able to continue in this profession”. I set harsh goals for myself on my road to graduating college. Instead of seeing where I was mentally and physically and recognising it is okay to mess up and try again, I forced myself to push and push until I couldn’t even feel my love for singing anymore. I realized I should have been setting up small goals along the way to my biggest dreams. Instead, I decided to race against someone who had years of experience and training and didn’t even know I was trying to run next to them. It was like running against a cheetah and I was a kitten. I still needed to grow. I still needed to put the time and effort in, but it could have gone better without all the emotional beatings I gave myself everytime I didn’t reach my level of “perfection”.

I never want to ask you questions that I can’t answer myself. I don’t want to seem harsh or have you feel I’m poking at you and trying to push you down or make you feel like you’re not enough. 

YOU ARE SO ENOUGH. 

YOU CAN DO ANYTHING YOU SET YOUR MIND TO.

If you can put in the time and the effort and the energy, you will succeed. I only want to warn against falling deeper than the grey areas between the highs and lows of life. 

Set your goals. Then set smaller goals that you can use as stepping stones. And if you’re feeling tired from just looking at that list you made or even thinking about making that list, sit down and start even smaller. 

What will you do to start achieving your goals? Does it start with breakfast? Does it start with sleeping in and working from 9pm to 12am focusing on reachable goals? Are you going to sign up for those free classes to learn more about a certain subject to lift off your knowledge about something you’re interested in? Is it a simple phone call or instagram video to keep you accountable? Ask for help from friends and family and know they will support you from the sidelines. Give them ways to help you through the unmotivated times and moments of burn-out. 

Honestly just start anywhere. If you start too far ahead you’ll make up for it, don’t worry. If you’re like me and start way too small, it’s okay. Keep adding onto the small things and they will eventually become bigger. The most important thing is that you STARTED.

So Sunday night, I started by setting up my desk with the work I wanted to get done tomorrow. I set my alarm earlier and set an intention for my morning. “I will work on these three things”.  “I will try to stay off social media before going to bed and only use my phone after finishing my small goals for the next morning.” “I will have a productive morning and push myself to complete my list of tasks for the day. Whether it is done in one go or in broken moments throughout the day, it will get done.” 

These are the small goals I am talking about. Let’s not overwhelm ourselves with doing too much in a short amount of time. Let’s just do what makes us feel good, and productive, and have a good day.

I hope this motivates you to do… anything you have been wanting to do since quarantine started. I would love to talk about some of your goals and how you overcome these grey areas to motivate yourselves, or if you’ve been struggling how can we help motivate you? Don’t hesitate to reach out! we would love to hear from you! 

One of our goals here is to create an open and honest space to communicate and get through our grey areas together. Yes we will have our fun posts about food and traveling and fashion, but ultimately we want to be as transparent as possible in our conversations. So thank you for reading this far and I hope I have helped you in even the smallest of ways.